How do marriage partners keep the spark alive when they are in a business together? The short answer is that typically they don’t. They run on a short fuse with each other because each blames the other for frustrations arising from their different operating styles. The biggest trouble is that they never switch off and enjoy just being together.
Business worries permeate every part of their lives. They talk business until late each night, they wake up talking about the day’s roll out, they are taking business calls at their kids’ sporting activities,
If the business has grown up from start-up together then heavy focus is on growth with the associated financial pressure. They become personally indispensable. They keep stretching themselves to do more and more roles instead of recognizing when to add appropriate staff to free up and enjoy life.
It’s easy for tasks and busyness to push loving connection to the bottom of the ‘to do’ list. I have worked with many couples where in attempts to keep some form of lovemaking alive they set up a regular night on their shared calendar to “have sex”.
This isn’t sustainable because it feels like another scheduled chore. The solution to fixing one partner’s resentment for not enough sex creates a bigger problem with more resentment in the other partner who feels they have to give even more.
As distance between partners grows, irritability also increases in parallel. Then this irritability attaches itself to virtually every business aspect that arises day in, day out. Intolerance takes over, hostile attitude is ever present with the accompanying tone of voice grating on each other’s nerves until they can’t stand being in the same room together.
What I call “the great divide” settles in where he watches his shows in one room at night, she watches hers in another, they eat apart in those different rooms with the only conversation being around an urgent business matter that must be solved by start of business the next day. The partner raising the issue stands at the doorway to the room the other partner is in. They exchange short, sharp dialogue which is not solution focused and then fall asleep exhausted, with maybe too many relaxing drinks under their belt, and with the problem waiting for them first thing when they wake up. The resentment cycle starts again.
If this is not caught in time it leads to the end of the marriage, which can then lead to the end of the business. When one or both partners reach the absolute end of their tether the ‘flight’ emotions take over and all reasonable sensibility goes out the window. The ‘D’ for divorce word is threatened over and over then eventually acted on. The funds and assets they have worked so hard work for goes down the drain to fill the pockets of their separate divorce lawyers.
Then resentment turns into bitterness. The most serious reality is that if they have children they will be in each other’s life for the rest of their life. Let me repeat, this bitterness is there for the rest of their life. Unless they get the right professional relationship master coaching with a master coach with solid business experience to show them how to enjoy their love for each other and work a successful business
